


we're still young and free

by forsekais



Series: Welcome to Kim Enterprises [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, CFO Sehun & PA Jongin are back, Humor, Implied/Referenced Sex, Jongdae is a bear, Jongin always wants to take a bite, Jongin dissing his ex, Kim Enterprises is weird, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Office Shenanigans, Romance, Sehun's a cute bean, Ten my MVP, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, featuring WayV's farm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsekais/pseuds/forsekais
Summary: Jongin tries to follow the new No PDA rule. Also, no one knows why a bear shows up in the office.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Series: Welcome to Kim Enterprises [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787104
Comments: 32
Kudos: 1032





	we're still young and free

**Author's Note:**

> I received so much love with [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24232090) that I decided to make it into a series, which turns out like nothing I'd planned, as always. This is becoming a crack, out of character rendition of an Office AU, but I have so much fun with it. I don't even have any specific plot in mind, just sitting down and typing out whatever pops into my head. I think it's a pretty awesome feeling.
> 
> Thank you for reading and for your comments. As I said, I have no idea where this series is heading off to next, so if you have any prompt/idea, please hit me up on [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/forsekais)(.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

* * *

"Thank you everyone for joining me on such short notice," Junmyeon starts, eyes sparkling with happiness as he counts twenty heads in the room. This is a new record, considering he'd just sent out an invitation thirty minutes ago at 3 PM on a Friday to _Power Rangers_ , an email group consisting of department heads and senior employees, who usually put him on seen for at least 24 hours. "I've asked you here today because I need your leadership, your expertise and your support in our efforts to maintain the company's reputation through dignity and professionalism."

From the far corner of the table, Taeyong slowly lifts his head up. "Did we receive complaints about Superman flying from the building's rooftop again?"

Junmyeon's brows furrow. "What Superman?"

"They're actually jumpers," Youngho explains. "They're following advice from HR to only jump in Superman suits, so that the company can use the footage in future PR campaigns."

Junmyeon gasps. "You mean there are real jumpers? Who _jump_ from the _rooftop_?"

"Why did you sound like you've never heard about it before," Jaehyun says. "I did send you the clip for review before we launched the campaign last month."

"The Superman scene is impressive," Baekhyun says. "My nephew couldn't stop watching the ad. Good job, Jaehyun."

"Oh my god," Junmyeon pales. A pen slips out of his hold and falls to the floor with a loud thud. "Kyungsoo, why didn't you tell me about this?"

Kyungsoo stops filing his nails and looks up to survey the panicked look on Junmyeon's face. "The humans here are the least of my concerns right now," he says dryly. "I have more urgent matters to attend to."

"This is an urgent matter!" Junmyeon squawks. "What if — what if someone _dies_?"

"Every second, 1.8 humans die and 4.2 humans are born, so what you're saying is nothing new." Kyungsoo shrugs. "By the way, I'll be on leave for two weeks starting next Monday. Therefore," he looks around the room, "if any of you needs to contact upper management, feel free to reach out to Baekhyun directly."

"Wait, what?" There's a loud noise that sounds like Baekhyun falling off his chair. "Hold on. What about Junmyeon hyung?"

"Oh, that," Junmyeon straightens his shoulder as he temporarily puts his panic attack on hold and reminds himself that whatever happened to those jumpers, he could deal with it later because he'd seen worse before, ever since the moment he inherited Kim Enterprises from his father. "I'm not going to be here in the next two weeks either. It's quite a last-minute decision, that's why I called this meeting to tell you since no one would bother to read my email anyway."

Sehun puts down a book he's been reading, the latest volume of Detective Conan. "Last-minute decision?"

"My brother is getting married next week," Junmyeon explains. "The reception will be held at the bride's hometown, which is an island that I didn't know exist until yesterday. But my mother is really excited and she wants to take this opportunity to have a family vacation. We're leaving tomorrow night."

Chanyeol blinks. "You have a brother?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I forget that, but I do," Junmyeon sighs, exasperated. "And why are you here?"

"Kyungsoo and I will be heading to the airport after work," Chanyeol announces. "We're going back to his hometown since his sister is getting married to some city dude next week. Apparently the groom's family plans to arrive a few days earlier for sightseeing. Kyungsoo's mother decided to assemble the entire family before noon tomorrow."

"That sounds familiar," Sehun says.

"I know," Chanyeol laughs. "Remember Hunter x Hunter? Kyungsoo's family is like the Zoldyck family. They live at the top of a dormant volcano on a private island that doesn't show up on any map."

"Technically, my family does the same stuff as the Zoldyck," Kyungsoo confirms. "Well. Sometimes. Anyways, I hope my sister's future husband never finds out. He still believes that she is a grade school martial arts teacher."

"What a coincidence!" Junmyeon cheers. "My future sister-in-law is a martial arts teacher too."

"Cool," says Kyungsoo. "So that means the President's office will be out of office for two weeks. For daily inquiries, contact Byun Baekhyun. For emergency, contact the Vice President or the CFO's office. And for jumpers," he narrows his eyes at Taeyong, "make sure you have the clean-up team on speed dial. Do whatever you need to to keep the building clean."

Taeyong chews on his lower lip thoughtfully. "Do we have a budget to hire a clean-up team?"

"No," Sehun answers, at the same time Kyungsoo says, "Just tell them you're a friend of the Do family."

"Wow," Jongin pokes Junmyeon's side with a Snickers bar. "Are you sure your brother is not married to the heir of a notorious assassin family?"

"That's impossible," Junmyeon replies. "I mean, there's no public photo of her family and she tells my brother that her house is guarded by a huge hunting beast named Wolf but I'm sure it's just a cute nickname for her Golden Retriever."

"My mother has a giant Canis lupus with the same name," Kyungsoo says. "I'm glad I didn't inherit her creativity."

"Family stories aside," Baekhyun interjects. "I refuse to be the one in charge."

"I didn't realize I was asking for your opinion," Kyungsoo says. He turns to Chanyeol, who is drooling. "Was I asking for Baekhyun's opinion?"

"Kyungsoo, Chanyeol isn't even from Kim Enterprises—"

"No, you weren't," Chanyeol quips. Minseok finally takes off his earphones and notices Baekhyun's distressed look. "What's going on?"

"Kyungsoo and I are both on leave starting Monday," Junmyeon says. "Baekhyunnie will be the main point of contact."

"Oh okay," Minseok says. There's an audible _ding_ and Minseok abruptly stands up, eyes wide as he stares at his phone screen in disbelief. "Oh my god," he hyperventilates. " _Changmin_ just replies to my tweet. Holy fuck. Shit. I need a moment. Bye."

Then he leaps out of the door, looking like a marionette dancing with his legs wobbling and arms flailing.

"I have a question," Jaehyun raises his hand. "When will this new appointment be effective?"

Kyungsoo glances at his watch. "In five minutes." He pauses. "Is there any other question?"

"I never said I'd agree," Baekhyun protests weakly.

"That's not a question, Byun," Kyungsoo fixes him with a glare. "Jongin?"

Jongin's lips curl in wonder. "I don't care who's in charge as long as it's not me," he says, and points at Youngho. "But who is this guy? I've never seen him around before."

"I'm just coming in to brew coffee for Ten because he said you guys suck at it," Youngho says slowly. "I don't even work here."

"Nice," Mark pipes in. "So I don't have to submit your payroll."

Junmyeon tilts his head. "I thought Jisung is handling the payroll now? He got promoted to C&B specialist last week."

"Well, Markeu found out Jisung was the one who stole his vegan lunch six months ago. He was being a bit salty about that. To resolve the issue using a restorative justice approach, I made them switch their jobs for a week so that they know how it feels to be in each other's shoes."

"Does it work?" Jongin asks.

"Not my business," Taeyong shrugs. He swivels around to face Youngho. "Do you know how to make a blueberry smoothie?"

"Sure," Youngho nods. "Where can I find the blueberries?"

"Fifth basement, room 0078-E," Taeyong offers. Youngho gets up and walks out of the room, the door closing behind him with a click.

Jongin turns to Sehun. "There's a fifth basement?"

"Well," Sehun leans closer to ruffle his hair. "You learn something new every day."

"I don't want to know about that," Junmyeon confesses, very serious. "Just thinking about the things my employees are hiding from me—"

"Don't worry," Chanyeol pats him sympathetically on the back. "No one is planning to tell you anyway."

* * *

For Jongin, dating Sehun is a major upgrade from not-dating-but-pining-after-Sehun. Now Jongin can freely express his feelings without worrying about getting fired for inapproriate flirtation or being caught by the Support Staff Task Force. They're in love and it's the only thing that matters. Also, the sex is amazing. They've done it almost everywhere, Jongin's most favorite memory is that time in the mailroom when Chenle the Marketing intern walked in on them on his way to pick up packages for Jaehyun and the traumatized look on his face clearly showed that he very much preferred to quit college and live on the streets rather than to deal with such a mental scar.

Sehun is a kind, lovable man with a strong sense of responsibility. Despite being the CFO of one of the biggest multi-technology corporations in the country, he's very humble. He does everything seriously and never complains. He's got the biggest heart that one could ever imagine, there's room for everyone. His family, co-workers, Jongin, friends, friends of friends, strangers, animals. He loves more than he'll ever get back. On some days, this fact terrifies Jongin. But then Sehun holds his hand as they walk into Artificial Love, beaming when Moonkyu pretends to gag at their subtle display of affection, and Jongin puts away all his worry just to focus on the way Sehun's dazzling smile lights up his handsome face and consequently, Jongin's world.

There's only one tiny problem that sometimes keeps Jongin awake at night: Sehun is still in contact with Luhan, his ex. From what it looks, they're on friendly terms. They remember each other's birthday, and occasionally keep tabs on what the other is doing. Sehun follows Luhan's fanpage on Weibo and Luhan, according to Minseok, watches business news channels to stay up-to-date with worldwide financial trends so he has things to share with Sehun besides celebrity gossip.

And Jongin couldn't find it in him to be jealous because Sehun just knows him too well. Right after they started dating, Sehun sat down with him and talked about all his past relationships, including Luhan, his first love. They'd met in college when Sehun was a freshman who believed that people could only fall in love once in a lifetime, and that Luhan and him were going to be together for eternity. They weren't, but it didn't change the fact that Luhan was a remarkable positive influence in Sehun's life. He challenged Sehun to be a better Sehun, encouraged him to pursue his passion for finance and literally raised him when Sehun's father cut him off for not following the family tradition and becoming a doctor.

"He was very important to me. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today." Sehun'd said, and Jongin could hear the raw honesty dripping from every word, leaving Sehun completely bare and vulnerable in front of Jongin, making Jongin speechless. "When we broke up, we decided mutually that we'd continue to be friends and support each other. But I understand that you might not be 100 percent on board with me talking to my ex, so if you're concerned, I will make it clear to Luhan about that."

"It's okay," Jongin assured him. "I trust you."

And he does. He knows that not all breakups are Bachelor-worthy blowups complete with screaming and crying. He feels weird about the fact that his boyfriend is friends with his ex, but his boyfriend also happens to be the most understanding and wonderful person in the whole universe.

"I just share with you a file that contains passwords to my social media accounts," Sehun tells him during lunch one day. "So, uhm, in case you need it."

Jongin frowns, confused. "Why would I need your password?"

"Well, if you want to see what I and Luhan talk about in our conversations, you can log into my Instagram or LINE account," Sehun says. "There's nothing between us, but I don't want you to feel insecure or overthink."

"I don't overthink," Jongin lies, because he definitely stayed up until 3 AM to dig through Minseok's ten-year-old Facebook and tortured his peace of mind with old photos of rainbow-haired freshman Sehun and Luhan. They looked perfect together.

Sehun contemplates for a moment before shrugging. "Well," he picks up his fork and resumes picking out bell peppers from his pasta. "You know I love you."

Jongin drops his juice to the floor. Sehun yelps. They sit in awkward silence, staring at the shards that used to be Kyungsoo's favorite glass.

"I love you too," Jongin says.

Sehun nods, arranging the bell peppers on a napkin to make a smiley face. "Okay," he says as they listen to the sound of Kyungsoo's angry footsteps coming down the hallway. "But just so you know, I have nothing to do with this broken glass."

"I hate you," Jongin amends.

* * *

On his first day as an acting manager, Baekhyun steps out of the elevator and is greeted by a piercing scream that could be heard from Yukhei's hometown in Hongkong. He squints his eyes at the clock, _7:30 AM_ — and quietly bemoans the pitiful state of his life because the day hasn't even started yet and he already smells trouble — as he stumbles into the break room. Ten is kneeling on the floor, next to Mark, Taeyong and Sehun, the four of them crowding around the couch. Baekhyun opens his mouth to ask his colleagues to keep their fucking voice down at ass o'clock in the morning but his words soon die in his throat when he peers over their heads.

It's a bear. 

It's a fucking bear. A _bear cub_ , for the sake of science, with brown fur and is approximately ninety centimeters long. It blinks confusedly at the four adults before letting out a hiccup. It scoots backwards when Ten reaches out to pet it with his ridiculously glitter-polished fingers, then looks around to ignore Taeyong's intense gaze and eventually meets Baekhyun's eyes as it tilts its head up. 

Baekhyun stares back. Before he knows it, the bear tumbles through the space between Mark and Sehun to wrap itself around Baekhyun's leg, short paws digging deep into the fabric of his professionally ironed slacks.

"Aww," Taeyong coos. "Chen loves you."

Baekhyun freezes. "What?"

"We can't just call him by _'hey there'_." Sehun explains. "That'd be animal abuse."

Abuse of what, Baekhyun isn't sure. "You guys are aware that we can't keep it here. It's a bear. We can't afford to get attached. Also," he stares down at the bundle of fur and paws clinging to him, "it's a bear."

"Stop calling Chen _it_ ," Mark says. "He has a name."

"Well then, we can't keep Chen here," Baekhyun says. The bear, or Chen, squeezes Baekhyun's leg tighter at the sound of his name as if he understands human language. Per his previous declaration, Baekhyun is _not_ going to get attached. He's a man of his words. "Someone please call animal control service."

"I did," Sehun says. "But they've got their hands full right now. There was a breakout at a zoo last night. Two hundreds penguins have escaped. Along with crocodiles and jaguars and lions."

Ten puts a hand over his heart. "Damn, that's scary as hell. Who knows what would happen if they can't find the penguins?"

"That's a good question," Taeyong starts, "that I don't give a fuck about. What I'd like to know is where do we keep Chen for the time being?"

"We are not keeping it here," Baekhyun insists.

"You're HR. You figure it out." Sehun says, holding up his phone to snap a picture of the bear who is now rolling on the floor. "Jongin will be so jealous."

Jongin chooses that exact moment to walk in, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and blasting music way too loudly in his earphones. "Jealous why?" He asks, then stops in his track. And stares. "Is that a bear?"

"Yeah," Sehun grins triumphantly. "And I got to pet him _before_ you."

"Oh, c'mon Sehun, stop with the childish competition. We are not twelve anymore," Jongin says, with forced amenity toward his boss. "I'm just about to inform you that my appointment with Big Jim and the twins this afternoon is cancelled due to unexpected reasons."

"Is that a slang for a workplace blowjob?" Mark wonders.

"Okay children," Baekhyun says. "Can someone call an animal shelter? Our clients are coming in today and I don't know how to explain to them why we have a fucking bear in our meeting room."

* * *

"This is Chen," Baekhyun points at the bear sitting next to him, who is dressed in a white dog sweater and currently munching on some lettuce leaves taken from Mark's salad lunch. "He's our new health coordinator. If he finds out any food that isn't gluten free, vegan, and low calorie, he'll dispose of it."

"He may not seem like it, but he's friendly," Sehun says, stifling a laugh.

Yuta blinks. "Wow," he says in accented English. "Kim Enterprises did take employees' wellbeing to a whole new level."

"A healthier workforce is a more productive workforce," Sehun shrugs in Chinese. "You will never have to worry about us missing any deadline."

"Can you switch back to Korean?" Jaehyun asks.

"Indeed," Yuta agrees in Japanese. "You guys are our superstar supplier. Plus, I do enjoy Junmyeon's jokes. Where's he?"

"He's on a family vacation," Baekhyun replies. Chen makes a pleasant mewling sound at the sight of dried berries in Baekhyun's palm. "No, don't bite my skin. That's not food, you dummy. _Ouch._ Holy fuck, your teeth are so sharp! _"_

"I guess it's never boring around here," Yuta comments as Chen climbs onto Baekhyun's lap, wrapping his chubby arms around Baekhyun's torso. "Careful, Baekhyun-ah, you're getting seriously attached."

"I am not!" Baekhyun yells.

Yuta ignores his protest. "We should go out for lunch," he says to Sehun and Jaehyun, then cocks his head to the side and squints at Chen. "Hey, what do you prefer? Salmon or beetles?"

Baekhyun is not getting attached, because it's only been five hours since the damn bear showed up out of nowhere. He also definitely doesn't give Chen any special treatment, or at least that's what he tells himself when they arrive at a restaurant with a huge No Pet sign, and a staff comes up to them, staring them down for a long second then says, "You have to leave your pet outside."

"Sure," Baekhyun replies immediately. He scoops Chen up into his arms, then throws a final glance over his shoulder. "Jongin, be a good boy and wait outside."

"Wait. What?"

"They said _No Pet_ ," he points at the sign. "Don't worry. We're just going to grab a quick bite. Go play catch and Sehun will buy you fried chicken later."

"I'm not a fucking pet!" Jongin roars. "Sehun, say something!"

"What Jongin said," Sehun says.

"That wasn't what you said last Thursday," Baekhyun responds calmly, "when Sehun called you _my little pony_ in the storage room—"

"HAHAHA LUNCH TIME." Sehun interrupts. "Jongin. _Yehet_."

That must be one of their many secret codes for something utterly dirty because Jongin quickly sits down on one of the waiting stools outside the restaurant, much to the staff's amusement.

"You better be quick," Jongin calls and Baekhyun gives him a sickeningly sweet smile. "Of course, little pony," he leers and turns back to the bear clasping at his shoulders like he were a tree. "Now, new guy, do you want salmon or cod?"

* * *

"For a generally horny person, Sehun cares way too much about workplace ethics."

"He's in the leadership team," Ten says. "And he has manners. Unlike you."

"Excuse me," Jongin says. "I was a member of the Student Discipline Committee at SNU for three years."

"You were also a stripper," Ten takes out a bowl and starts making tomato avocado salad. "But why do you care? He still bangs you every time you ask." He shudders. "Urgh. Please never do it in my server rooms."

"See, Ten, that's the problem," Jongin replies as he helps Ten drizzle a teaspoon of olive oil onto the salad. "He rarely initiates it. In fact, he only took the first step once a few months ago, and it was because I showed up at his place in a mini skirt and black tights."

"Jesus Christ," Ten grimaces. "This is a kink-free area. Keep it to yourself." He pauses. "Can I see the skirt? Asking for a friend. Just in case."

"Are you going to wear it?" Yukhei looks at Ten hopefully. He's shredding a cucumber with a box grater, and Jongin briefly wonders how Ten got the budget for all these kitchen appliances approved. "I'm...also asking for a friend."

"I don't know why you still believe you're straight," Ten sighs. "I'm more knowledgeable about vaginas than you will ever be."

"Vaginas," Jongin parrots. "Those were the days."

"You know no shit about vaginas," Ten says, which isn't true because Jongin was once the playboy of his high school. He even dated the head cheerleader. It was such an experience that Jongin never wanted to go through again. At least Soojung was a nice person and not your typical blonde airhead.

"Haha," Yukhei laughs nervously. He then decides to change topic. "What if Sehun-ssi doesn't initiate sex because you're already going at it 24/7?"

"I can't help it. He's so _fine_ ," Jongin licks his lips dreamily. "An edible masterpiece of art."

"Right, so stop complaining. Be thankful that you still get enough action to satisfy your dicklust." Ten tosses a teaspoon of salt and black pepper into the bowl. "My last company had a no PDA rule. It was really heavy-handed. A couple was fired because they were caught holding hands under the table during lunch break for the third time in six months."

"That sounds terrible," Jongin whimpers. "I'm glad our company is nothing like that."

"Yeah, so dick your boss right when you can," Ten offers diplomatically. "You never know what might come next."

* * *

What actually comes next is a ban on PDA.

"I'm not kidding," Sehun says as he gently pulls away from Jongin's touch. He shoves his phone at a pouting Jongin. "Here."

Jongin scrolls to the top and starts reading the email thread.

**From** : ten.lee@kim-enterprises.co.kr 

**To** : All Staff; baekhyun.byun@kim-enterprises.co.kr; ITHelpDesk@kim-enterprises.co.kr

**Subject** : Fwd: RE: [Announcement] New Rule – No PDA

_Oops wrong reply! Didn't mean to copy all staff. I'd recall the email if I could, but I'm not in office and the line at Artificial Love is quite long. Sry for any inconvenience lol xoxo._

_Hmu if anyone needs a drink from AL._

**From** : ITHelpDesk@kim-enterprises.co.kr

**To** : baekhyun.byun@kim-enterprises.co.kr; All Staff

**Subject:** RE: [Announcement] New Rule _–_ No PDA

_Baekhyun hyung, I'd like to bring to your attention a misconduct case in regards to the new rule. Please kindly find attached my incident report and evidence for your reference. Noted that while I'm available for further discussion should it be required, all the information here is completely confidential. Thank you!_

_Yours faithfully,_

_Ten Lee_

_[Mark-Jisung-kissing-in-8th-basement.jpeg]_

_[Mark-Jisung-mutual-handjob.mp4]_

_[Mark-Jisung-enemies to lovers-report.pdf]_

**From** : baekhyun.byun@kim-enterprises.co.kr

**To** : All Staff

**Cc** : minseok.kim@kim-enterprises.co.kr; junmyeon.kim@kim-enterprises.co.kr; kyungsoo.do@kim-enterprises.co.kr; sehun.oh@kim-enterprises.co.kr

**Subject** : [Announcement] New Rule _–_ No PDA

_Dear all,_

_On behalf of upper management, I would like to announce the new company rule set to take effect starting 9 AM, Wednesday, May 18, which is today. This has been added to Kim Enterprises' Code of Conduct (Chapter X to Chapter XVI of your Employee Handbook) as Article 45 under Chapter XV: Prohibited Conduct. Do refresh your memory by revisiting the handbook on our portal. For those of you who have absolutely no idea what I am referring to, just read the details listed below and do not ask me what the Employee Handbook is. In case you're wondering, @Jung Jaehyun, yes, I'm talking about you. _

**Article 45 : Public Displays of Affection (PDAs)**

All kinds of PDAs are strictly prohibited. There is no exception. Every employee, including the Executive Board, is expected to abide by these rules of conduct and to be accountable for their behavior. Lack of familiarity with the rule is not a justification for violating any provision.

PDA is defined as any act of physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy, including, but not limited to:

  * Kissing

  * Touching (any place)

  * Groping

  * Tastes and nibbles

  * Sexual intercourse

  * Electronic affection

  * Use of secret dirty codes

  * Anything that your conservative grandparents would not approve




_Please be considerate of others who have just as much of a right to be in a public location as you, no matter how pathetic or non-existent their love life is. Keep your hands and lips to yourself until after hours. Kindly be reminded that this new rule is designed to approach internal PDAs only. For PDAs involved external parties, such as clients, partners, local authorities, or any human being within a 5-km radius of company-owned facilities, refer to Article 24 and Article 25._

_We thank you for your collaboration in preserving workplace professionalism. Should you have any inquiry, please email the Vice President and never cc me._

_Have a nice day._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Byun Baekhyun_

"B-but," Jongin stutters. "W-why?"

"I know why," Baekhyun pops up behind Jongin with Chen on his back. "TVXQ's Changmin is getting married, that's why."

"What does that have to do with the new rule?"

"Minseok is in a tough place," Baekhyun sniffs. "Everything about love reminds him about the love he could never have with his idol of thirteen years. The new rule is his coping mechanism."

"Hi Chen," Sehun smiles at the bear. "How are you doing?"

Chen makes a happy noise and his eyes light up. Jongin hisses. "How can you walk around freely with Chen clinging to you? The stupid rule says there's no exception."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Chen is a bear, Jongin," he says. "He belongs to a grey area."

He then walks away with a clipboard in his hands, purposefully ignoring Jongin's incessant yells for him to revoke the rule.

"Why are you so calm about this?" Jongin growls at Sehun. "Do you know what it means? We can't have sex in the basement anymore! We can't even hold hands or kiss or grope each other's butt!"

"Baby, calm down," Sehun fans him with a newspaper. "It's not going to be this way forever. We just need to wait for Minseok to get through this." He ponders his next words thoughtfully. "Or for Junmyeon to come back. Yeah. That'd be easier."

"Besides," he eyes Jongin up and down, "we can always enjoy ourselves once we're off the clock."

Jongin takes a deep breath and lets Sehun's lovely scent soothe him. "Okayyy."

"Good boy," Sehun grins. He grabs a folder on his desk and gives it to Jongin. "It's inventory day. You and Xiaojun are in charge of our department's inventory check. Make sure you get everyone's signature on the form. Kun is very clear about that."

Sehun has this ability to separate work from personal life, which Jongin absolutely despises. With a newfound motivation to prove his worth as a model employee, Jongin decides that he can totally tolerate a few weeks without unzipping Sehun's pants or engaging in other R-rated behaviors in front of any colleague, especially impressionable children like Chenle.

He can, and he will.

* * *

"I can't do this," Jongin laments. He's already on his third cup of coffee although it's only 10.30 AM, and that really says something because Jongin _hates_ coffee. "I can feel the energy draining out of my body. Soon I'll become an empty vessel."

"I don't understand," Moonkyu says. "You spent two years pining and literally lived off masturbating. Why can't you hold off for two weeks? Not to mention that you only need to control yourself during work hours."

" _You_ don't understand," Jongin cries. "Once you have a taste of him, you can never go back to the way you were before. You just can't."

"I don't want to understand," replies Moonkyu. He picks up a slice of orange and places it artistically on a cheesecake. "Why don't you find something else to focus on? It will stop you from being horny all hours of the day."

"Sorry, but anyone who is not Sehun is off limits."

"I said something, not someone. A hobby? A class? Or even better, your actual job. You know, what you're getting paid to do? For example, don't you have to prepare contracts and search for vendors to organize Finance department's summer retreat?"

"I hate that you know about my obligations," Jongin says, "as a victim of capitalism and materialism."

"I'm the barista. I know everything." Moonkyu produces a graphing calculator from under the cashier and begins to calculate the amount of loose houjicha tea leaves needed to brew a pot. Nothing around Jongin is normal. "Except Chen. I have no idea what his job is. Where is he from, though?"

"He's a therapy bear," Jongin says. Chen now has his own cubicle, which is right next to Baekhyun's, and his own drawers, filled with fresh salad leaves, nuts, berries, and organic honey. No one in the office questions why there is a bear in a, strictly speaking, _no pets allowed_ building. Probably because Chen is a very amiable bear. He's a good listener who knows how to keep secrets. He gets along well with not only humans but also other animals. For the first time in three years, Ten's illegal cats agree to share their favorite sunbathing spot on the 30th floor with another being, and surprisingly, that's not Ten, who spends half of his monthly salary buying cat food, but Chen. Sehun is so impressed he makes the photo his lock screen. Jongin is definitely not jealous.

"Cool," Moonkyu hums. "Your company needs lots of that. Therapy."

Jongin wants to point out that all problems could easily be fixed by removing Article 45 from the Employee Handbook. And from the Earth's surface altogether. Sleeping with Sehun in Sehun's bedroom doesn't bring him the same thrills. Jongin is an adventurer born to break stereotypes and do extraordinary things, not to be bound by administrative proceedings.

"I'm withering on the vine like grapes after a horrible summer drought," Jongin says sadly. "Can you feel it?"

Sehun's brows furrow. "Are you trying to say you're still hungry? But you just ate a family serving of mac and cheese."

Jongin is an emotional eater, and now he's emotional about the truth that romance is dead. He sighs. He knows to not expect much from a realist who recently enters his busiest time of the year _–_ the audit season – but what happens to the assortment of ridiculous pet names that once had been generously bestowed upon Jongin? Sehun used to call him _"cutie patootie_ " and _"snuggle muffin_ " during a business meeting and Jaehyun had looked like he was going to have an aneurysm on the spot. Now, Jongin calls himself a rotten grape and Sehun doesn't bother to correct it.

"I get stressed out," Jongin tears open a bag of M&M peanuts with his teeth, "about our relationship."

Sehun looks surprised. "What about our relationship?"

"Nothing," Jongin says, shoving a handful of M&Ms into his mouth, not caring that his face will turn weird colorful shades. It's not like he's trying to impress Sehun. He's trying to keep things casual. In accordance with Article 45. Whatever.

Sehun corners him in the restroom later that day. Jongin is brushing his teeth – he needs to get rid of his durian bread breath, courtesy of Ten's afternoon snack – when Sehun steps through the door.

"Jongin-ah," he asks softly, "are you mad at me?"

Jongin is supposed to be. But it's hard to concentrate when Sehun is looking at him with those gentle eyes. He reaches out to curl his fingers around Jongin's wrist, stroking his skin with the lightest of touches and Jongin has to press his legs together to stop any embrassing sound from spilling out of his lips. They're going to celebrate their eight-month anniversary in a fortnight but every time Sehun touches Jongin, there's heart pounding and stars dancing just like when Jongin saw him for the first time.

"You should let go," Jongin mumbles. "The new rule doesn't allow any physical intimacy."

"I will never let go of you," Sehun's voice softens. Jongin melts into a puddle of awww. "Hey, I know it's not easy, but I want to let Minseok have his way for the time being. Organizational support, you get what I mean? Changmin's marriage news really shocked him to the core. Baekhyun and I have been trying to explain to him why he doesn't get an invitation without disclosing the truth that Changmin doesn't know who Minseok is. It's tough."

Sehun's mouth looks tempting. Jongin orders himself to not bend forward and swallow the rest of his sentence with a kiss. He'd spent $300 on an online meditation course. He couldn't let it go to waste. "Uhm. Sure."

"What happens at this office doesn't change anything between us. I promise," Sehun says and presses his lips against Jongin's. It's quick and chaste; Sehun moves back before Jongin can react, laughing as he turns on the tap to wash away the smear of toothpaste he gets from the corner of Jongin's mouth. "Wow, I love how you get flustered so easily."

"Knowing your weakness is as important as knowing your strength," Jongin says in his tiniest of voices. He's going to cry because Sehun is so so cute with his eye-crinkling laugh and so hot with that teasing fuckboy attitude. Jongin's always liked bad boys. He likes Sehun the most.

Sehun steps closer and whispers low in Jongin's ear. "One man's weakness is another man's strength," he says. Jongin knows he's implying something, but his brain is as solid as a mushed papaya right now, so he simply responds by sliding his hand intentionally down Sehun's back, and gives the exquisite Sebooty a good squeeze.

"Alright, I gotta get back to work," Sehun disentangles Jongin's hand from where it's resting and fixes his hair in the mirror. "Don't be mad. Although you think you look like a black rot of grape, you're still hot stuff to me. But," his gaze trails down to Jongin's feet, "get rid of these fish slippers asap. They look horrendous, and Louis hates them."

Jongin whimpers quietly at the loss of Sehun's warmth. "Who is Louis?"

"Ten's cat," says Sehun. "He's the reason why HR bans everyone from microwaving fish."

Jongin tries. "Can I use the departmental budget to buy chicken feet slippers?"

"No," Sehun refuses. "Finish brushing your teeth and come to Front Desk on the ground floor. Baekhyun is stuck in traffic, so it's your turn to show the landscape guys around."

"What landscape guys?"

"We're going to build a mini forest for Chen. Yuta connected Baekhyun with a partnering landscape company of Nakamoto Group. These guys know their job, so just bring them to the 30th floor, give them the floor plan and ask for a discount."

Sehun pauses briefly before he narrows his eyes at Jongin's skinny jeans. "No lap dance," he commands.

Jongin remembers Siwon mentioning how Sehun unconsciously sends him death glares every time they lock eyes. An unhappy Sehun is scarier than a Tyrannosaurus Rex. A Tyrannosaurus Rex will eat you alive, but Sehun is a picky eater, so he gains pleasure solely from the torturing process. Something he learns well from Kyungsoo.

"No lap dance," Jongin agrees.

* * *

Minseok isn't getting much better, even when he sends out a mass email telling everyone to stop treating him like a fragile damsel in distress. It's impossible to book a session with Chen from 9 to 12 every day, because that's when Chen is usually seen in Minseok's office, holding a box of tissues and looking humanely annoyed while listening to Minseok ramble about how Changmin has been his sun, his moon, his entire galaxy in one breath.

Minseok in distress means Article 45 still in effect across the office. Junmyeon has extended his leave for another week. Apparently, his brother's wedding is postponed due to an unexpected visit from some unfriendly neighbors that involved tanks and machine guns.

"You're not going to believe it," Junmyeon breathes heavily into the phone, "but I saw Kyungsoo's doppelganger knock out fifty armed people with a kitchen knife. It was like a Bond movie."

"Hyung," Sehun groans, exasperated. "That's Kyungsoo. Your brother is getting married to Kyungsoo's sister."

"Don't be silly, Sehunnie," says Junmyeon. "Kyungsoo can barely kill a mosquito."

It's because Kyungsoo has a soft spot for nonhuman species. Has Junmyeon ever wondered about the sudden disappearance of a mole sent to Kim Enterprises by their rival corp to plant fake evidence and frame Kim Enterprises for a fraud they didn't commit? There's a locked room hidden on the tenth basement level that only Kyungsoo has access to, and while Sehun's certain no one commits a fraud, he can't tell if Kyungsoo doesn't commit anything else. But Sehun doesn't get enough paid leave time to pop Junmyeon's bubble and provide him with a sense of reality, so he promptly stays quiet and puts Junmyeon on speaker as the latter continues to talk about his encounter with a Chanyeol look-alike by the lake.

One week is what it takes for Baekhyun to lose it.

"We need intervention," Baekhyun slams his fist on the table, startling Chen. The bear hiccups and blinks at Baekhyun, wide-eyed. Baekhyun deflates. "Sorry, jellybean, it's nothing," he soothes, then looks up and levels the room with a sharp glare. "Do something. I can't deal with Minseok anymore. It's stressful enough running an office full of loonies."

Ten frowns. "What loonies?"

_You_ , Baekhyun thinks, but wisely chooses not to say it out loud, afraid that Ten might tell his cats to stop hanging out with Chen, which will make Chen sad and Baekhyun has accidentally gotten attached to the point where he can't tolerate seeing a sad Chen. Instead, he scans the table for examples.

Across Ten, Jongin is telling Sehun to blow the wind in the opposite direction with his mouth if the wind is too strong. Sehun seems like he's seriously considering it. Youngho is slicing strawberries with a cheese grater. Taeyong is drawing a summoning circle on a piece of A0 paper, a row of burning Yankee candles arranged neatly behind him.

Ten shrugs. "Since everyone's busy, can we call in reinforcements?"

"Like who?"

"Luhan," Yukhei says, and Jongin freezes like a deer in the headlights. "The Chinese guy? The Vice President told me they're close friends. Maybe hanging out with a friend will help him recover."

Jongin is devising a meticulous plan to put extra strong itching powder in Yukhei's lunch when Baekhyun nods, voice pleased. "Great idea. I'll tell Minseok to invite him to Seoul for a short vacation."

Jongin takes out his phone and orders a new batch of itching powder for Baekhyun. Mark gulps. "Jongin, as a member of the Safety Committee, I—"

"Shut up."

* * *

Sehun makes love to Jongin slow and gentle that night, as if he can read Jongin's mind. "It feels so good to hold you close," Sehun whispers as he pulls Jongin into his arms, calloused fingers lovingly caressing Jongin's back. Jongin relishes in the protective warmth of Sehun's body pressed against him, the softness of their lips exploring each other, the sweet scent of Sehun's silky hair and the delicious taste of pale skin. He takes great delight in watching Sehun's eyes roll back into his eyelids as Jongin slowly scratches the back of his neck, leaving marks that would tell the world Sehun is his, and only his.

"You're the only one for me," Sehun says and rocks into Jongin rhythmically. There's no urgency, Sehun kissing his throat and giving Jongin all his attention. When the sensual comfort recedes to give way to a lightheaded rush that feels like he's on the tallest drop of a rollercoaster, Jongin presses their mouths together, then their cries blend. In that exact split second of orgasm, Jongin falls into the river of consciousness connecting him to Sehun. The perfect kiss, the perfect touch, the perfect shiver of euphoria, all roll into one moment where he loses all control of his senses.

He wishes he could stay like that, perfectly still in Sehun's embrace, forever, but the morning still comes, and when he drags himself into Sehun's office with Sehun's morning cappucino and croissant, Luhan is there, bambi eyes beaming at him. "Hi, Jongin! I'm—"

"Luhan, hi," Jongin says, suddenly feeling tired. "Bye."

"Is he alright?" He hears Luhan ask Sehun as he heads towards the door. "Oh, Minseok, you're awake. What? No, please don't cry. I swear I didn't do this on purpose — baozi, _please_ , it's a fucking white shirt. I didn't plan to cosplay Changmin on Music Bank in 2010—"

True to his words, Luhan spends most of his time in Seoul with Minseok. He only comes to the office a few times to fetch Minseok because regardless of his broken heart, Minseok has vice president duties to fulfill. The problem about Luhan is that he's friendly. He says hi to everyone, and even Ten's cats let him pet them.

"Do you miss your man bun?" Jongin arrives at Sehun's office one afternoon to hear Sehun in the middle of a conversation with Luhan.

Luhan laughs but doesn't look up from his phone. "A little bit. I can't be too sentimental about hairstyles in my line of work. In fact, I have to shave my head for my next movie."

"Well," says Sehun, "don't worry. You'll still look good."

"I know I will," Luhan laughs again, then changes his tone playfully, "Shixun _gege_."

It sounds like an inside joke, because Sehun bursts into laughter a second later. A comfortable silence fills the space as Sehun goes back to the pile of paperwork that needs his signature. Luhan whistles a Chinese ballad — one that's in Sehun's Spotify playlist, Jongin recognizes — and Jongin quietly walks away with a heavy feeling in his chest.

"If you feel uneasy about the situation, you should tell him," Yukhei advises. There's a red rash around his neck and Jongin feels a tiny pang of guilt. At least he backed down the last minute and only put 1/20 of the orginally planned itching powder amount into Yukhei's hot chocolate.

"Nah," Jongin says sourly. He knows very well that Sehun and Luhan are just friends now. They keep an approriate distance between them. Sehun doesn't even go to lunch with Luhan separately. The lingering bitter taste on Jongin's tongue is just him being irrationally jealous and acting like a selfish child. He doesn't want Sehun to see this ugly side of him. "I'm good. Luhan is leaving the day after tomorrow. I'll go find something to fill my schedule until then."

"What about your pending tasks?" Baekhyun walks by. "The ones you're getting paid to do?"

Jongin's been hearing this quite often lately. "Too mainstream," he waves Baekhyun off. "Where's Chen? I need to talk to him."

"He's in a meeting with Louis," replies Baekhyun. "They're debating on whether they should let Leon join the gang."

"Leon?"

"A cat that Ten found in an alley near a strip club," Yukhei explains. "It was raining."

"This is getting a little out of hand," Jongin comments. "What happens to animal control?"

"Who," Baekhyun says, eyes murderous, and Jongin obediently seals his mouth shut.

* * *

Jongin is looking through the forest design layouts the landscape company'd sent him when Jisung stops a few steps away from his cubicle. "This is where the PAs sit," Jisung says in his professional tour guide voice. "At Kim Enteprises, they are the first point of contact for any kind of correspondence with upper management. Our executive assistant, Kyungsoo-ssi, is currently on leave and—"

"Jongin?" A voice cuts in and Jongin pales. It's a voice he hasn't heard in almost ten years. "Kim Jongin?"

Jongin can’t suppress the disgust that spreads across his face as the owner of the voice appears in his vision. "No," he says curtly. "You've got the wrong person."

Taemin still looks as expensive as Jongin remembers him, and honestly, it's hard to not remember That One Ex You Hate. He's infuriatingly blond, the shade of blond that could be seen from Mars. He wiggles his eyebrows. "Fancy meeting you here, Jongin-ah. This must be destiny."

"You know what else is destiny?" Jongin says. "You dying from a mysterious illness, just like the wish I make to the shooting star every day in the last decade."

"Mr Lee," Jisung says in an attempt to prevent a potential bloodshed. The last time Jongin was mad, Jisung'd been unfortunate enough to get stuck in an elevator ride with him and holding his breath from the ground floor to the 30th floor was not at all pleasant. "Next, we're heading to the Sales department—"

"There's no need. I'll contact Doyoung later. Now, Jongin," Taemin pronounces with satisfaction. "I have something to tell you."

"Now, Taemin," Jongin drawls. "Fuck off. I hope you have your life insured, because another word and I will not hesitate to end you."

Jisung whimpers and scampers away.

"Don't be mean, _sweetheart_ ," Taemin winks. Jongin wants to punch him. He should've done so when they met in their high school senior year. Teenage Jongin made a lot of mistakes and dating Taemin was his biggest one. "Listen, I need a favor."

Jongin crosses his arms. "Nope."

"You'll change your mind, pumpkin pie," Taemin pulls a chair and sits down across him, "once you hear about what I've got to offer."

* * *

Sehun can’t believe what he’s hearing.

He doesn't mean to eavesdrop like a creep. He really doesn't. He respects Jongin's privacy — what Jongin does or whom Jongin talks to are not his business. He trusts his boyfriend; Jongin is literally a personified puppy who follows him everywhere. Somewhere in the recesses of Sehun’s mind, he remembers what it’s like to feel jealous. The fire burning under his skin, the inability to concentrate on a train of logical thoughts, the urge to skin all those bastards alive so they'd stop leering at Jongin. Not that he has to worry about that since they started dating; Jongin's made it crystal clear that he only has eyes for Sehun. He fends off all flirting attempts like a pro and proactively stays away from his admirers as if they were a pandemic.

But this afternoon — at exactly 2:41 PM — Sehun is on his way to the break room when he spots Jongin and Taemin enter a meeting room. Taemin, the son of the president of the famous Shinhwa Corp, the Casanova, The Ex That Jongin Hates. Sehun doesn't know why Yangyang, their corporate lawyer, hasn't issued a restraining order against Taemin yet. Yangyang should stop hanging out with Ten's cats and start taking his job seriously.

"I'm not sure, Taemin," Jongin is the first one to speak. "It's been a while."

There's a hint of amusement in Taemin's voice. "How long?"

"It's not the issue here," Jongin sighs. "I just don't know how to tell him."

Taemin is quiet, then, "You don't need to tell him the truth. Just make up some excuses, I don't think he'd care."

Jongin doesn't respond. Taemin taps his nails against the glass surface. Sehun can practically _hear_ the cocky smile on his face. "Please? It’s just one date. Nothing serious. You won’t even have to pay. It’s on me."

_One date?_

Suddenly a light bulb goes off in Sehun's head. Is Taemin trying to ask Jongin out on a date? And even worse, the douchebag goes to great lengths to suggest Jongin hide that from Sehun. Sehun should have foreseen this — he knows Jongin and Taemin ended their relationship on a very, very bad note and Jongin prays to the gods every night in hope that Taemin suffers from a violent death, but why has he never considered the possibility that Taemin is still interested? No one could ever hate Jongin.Jongin should come with a warning label. _Warning: If you get to know this man, you will want to pet him all day. And cuddle him. And maybe smell him. You will be mesmerized by his nice lips on your cock_ — _SMILE. Mesmerized by his nice SMILE._

Something painfully digs into Sehun's forearm and Sehun bites back a yelp. Chen is blinking at him, little ears twitching curiously. Sehun motions Chen to come sit on his lap, which the bear eagerly obliges.

Jongin clears his throat. "He and I are co-workers. It'll be awkward if things don’t work out and we have to see each other after—”

What the hell is Jongin talking about? He's not thinking of cheating on Sehun with The Ex He Hates, is he? Sure, Sehun's been busy, and they haven't got much workplace action lately due to the new rule, but their romance is going strong in Sehun's apartment and sometimes in Jongin's car for a change of scene. Yesterday, Jongin woke up early to drive to Cofioca and bought chocolate bubble tea for Sehun as a surprise. This morning, Jongin caught Sehun off guard by smooching him on the cheek before they got out of the car, and Jongin'd blushed like a teenage girl when Sehun gave him a forehead kiss and called him _"lil buttercup"_. Sehun tries to remember if he did anything wrong today, but he had three meetings in the morning, then went to a business lunch, and now he wishes he'd never walked to the break room in the first place.

Sehun's blood freezes in his veins as he registers the next words coming out of Taemin. "You're overreacting, Jongin-ah. I'm not even planning that far. The reason I'm asking you is the mind-blowing sex. I kind of miss it."

To Sehun's horror, Jongin just snorts, like it's completely natural to talk about sex with The Ex You Hate. "Shouldn't you think about feelings first?"

"I don't have enough time for that now," Taemin says. "I prefer going for the sex first. If things go well, maybe we can discuss cheesy feelings later."

What an asshole. How dare he make such a proposition so casually? To Jongin, out of all the people? Sweet, shy, beautiful Jongin who shares his mother's homegrown potatoes with everyone in the office. Just — no.

Sehun makes a mental note to report the entire situation to Yangyang later. This is more than enough evidence to file a lawsuit against Taemin. Chen can also testify as a witness — a witness who eavesdrops, but whatever. Sehun would make his presence known if he figures out how to do so without revealing that he's been intruding on a private conversation like a stalker.

Just as Sehun believes the conversation is over, Jongin lets out a soft, "Okay."

"What?" Taemin and Sehun both say at the same time.

"I can't guarantee that the sex will be as great as it used to be," Jongin murmurs. "But I'll help you."

When Sehun swallows, he tastes burning acid on his tongue. Anger churns within him, hungry for destruction. It feels like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off him like monster waves during a storm. Before he knows it, he slams his foot in the center of the sliding glass door. It breaks, just like Sehun's sanity.

He steps viciously on the glass shards and closes in on Jongin and Taemin, nostrils flaring and face red with barely suppressed rage. Jongin has a look that is a concoction of both confusion and fear, while Taemin's features are contorted in pure confusion.

"What on earth—" Taemin begins, but is interrupted by a fist swung across his face. He falls to the floor, hissing in pain as blood oozes out of his nose. "Whoa, man, what the fuck?"

"Don't you dare touch him," Sehun snarls. He's really, really pissed, and he can definitely set the room on fire with his death glare. "Or I'll make you regret the day you were born, and that's after the surgeons had sewned your balls back on."

Taemin reaches up to touch the new bruise above his right eye. "Touch who?"

"My _boyfriend_ ," Sehun jerks his head towards Jongin pointedly and growls. "And if I have to repeat that again, it'd be to your fucking ashes."

Taemin squawks. "Why would I want to touch Jongin? He's my ex and I hate him."

"The feeling is mutual," Jongin says.

Sehun looks like he's three seconds away from breaking Taemin's neck. "I _heard_ everything, jackass." He cracks his knuckles audibly. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blast your brain into the microwave right now, you son of a bitch."

"I don't want to have sex with my stupid ex!" Taemin blurts out. Sehun's eyebrows knit together in a murderous frown. Taemin swallows thickly. "I mean my not-stupid ex. Your boyfriend. I don't want to have sex with Jongin!"

Sehun rolls up his sleeves, and fuck, these veins could _kill_. Taemin screeches. "Jongin, don't just stand there. Say something!"

"Alright, alright," Jongin breathes out an incredulous laughter. "It's just entertaining to see you so close to pissing your pants. Who would think an arrogant prick like you is actually a scaredy-cat?" He clicks his tongue, then stalks over to touch Sehun's back. "Hey, Sehun, look at me."

Sehun whips his head around so fast Taemin thinks he hears something crack.

"It's a misunderstanding," Jongin steps closer until they're nose-to-nose. "I would never want to touch Taemin. He's my ex and I hate him."

Sehun makes a noise that reminds Jongin of a sad Labrador. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"That's exactly what I said!" Taemin croaks. He can't even yell; it hurts like hell to move his bleeding lips.

Sehun mumbles against Jongin's mouth. "So you're not breaking up with me?"

"What? No!" Jongin exclaims. "Why would I do that? I love you."

"Okay," Sehun feels a huge weight lifting off his chest. "Okay," he leans in and kisses Jongin's neck. "Why don't you show me how much?"

"I think I should explain the situation first," Jongin says. "What I and that soggy piece of trash are talking about is—"

"My name is Taemin," Taemin interjects.

"Save that for later," Sehun decides. He dips a hand into the waistband of Jongin's jeans and cups his ass. Jongin moans. "Show me how much you love me."

"But the rule—"

"Fuck the rule," Sehun scowls and reaches straight for Jongin's belt. "Rules are meant to be broken anyway."

* * *

Mark shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"Uhm, before I read this again for you," he gestures at his computer screen, "can I get his name? I mean, I know you both hate him with a passion but I really don't think ' _a sorry excuse for an illiterate intolerable shit asswipe'_ is suitable for an official conduct report."

Sehun pauses in the middle of giving Chen a head massage. Chen whines. "How about _'an abominable fuck pancake'_?"

"It's Taemin!" Baekhyun hollers from the other side of the floor, where he and the rest of HR department are watching the landscape company crew set up the forest for Chen. "Hey, Taeyong, don't you think there are too many Japanese maples? Where are the Alberta spruce and the Mugo pine trees that I told you to put in the order sheet?"

Mark stares at the watering system taking up almost half the floor. Maybe HR will need to move soon. Jongin is sniffing the California poppies. "Let's get back to the story," Mark says. "So, Taemin, one of our potential clients, seeked for Jongin's help in connecting him with Henry, who was a mutual friend in high school and whom Jongin still maintains contact with."

"Can you make it short?" Jongin inquires. "Just write down exactly what I told you."

Mark opens up an email. " _Taemin and Henry fucked around in college. Had a fallout. Taemin, being the inferior troublesome piece of shit,_ " Mark pauses. "Okay. I'll paraphrase. So Taemin saw Henry again at a charity gala last week, feelings ensued, he stalked Henry on social media and found out Henry and Jongin still keep in touch. Taemin wanted Jongin to call Henry and arrange a meet-up so he could pretend to accidentally show up and get into Henry's pants."

"Correct," Jongin nods. Mark blinks. "But you told Taemin, _'He and I are co-workers'_. What does it mean? Henry doesn't work here."

"He works for Choi Industrial Holdings. Recently, Siwon has assigned him to take over the education software projects they have with us. Technically speaking, we are co-workers."

"Oh," Mark says. "That makes sense."

"Taemin tries so hard to be tough but he's fucking thirsty," Jongin scoffs. "He kept saying that he only missed the sex. It was the worst lie ever. I could count the number of times they fucked in college on my fingers. It's been eight years. Henry isn't the only dude with a dick. Taemin is just a pathetic tsundere, which suits his image well." He leans back in his chair. "My boyfriend's dick, on the other hand—"

"Moving on—" Mark grimaces, "—you don't have to explain further. The door was broken. And you were not exactly quiet. Article 45 is not the only code that you violated. There's Article 14 about disruptive behaviors, which prohibits participating in any lewd behavior that disrupts the normal operations of the company. And then Article 6 is about property damage."

Sehun shrugs noncommitally. "Has Yangyang filed a lawsuit like I requested?"

"I don't know," Mark admits. "Last time I saw him, he was wearing a cat costume on the rooftop."

Taeyong seethes. "Where the fuck is his Superman costume?"

"He wasn't going to jump," Youngho says and offers Taeyong a strawberry milkshake. "He was just trying to get close to Leon." 

Jongin tilts his head, curious. "Why is Youngho still here? Isn't Ten on a caffeine-free diet?"

"Ten is on a diet?"

"We're not talking about Ten here," Mark tries. "I need to wrap up this misconduct report with you two—"

"He's more than just a coffee guy," Ten appears at the door with Leon in his arms, like he's Betelgeuse who can be summoned if his name is mentioned three times in a row. He bats his eyelashes at Youngho. Youngho frowns. Yukhei, who is checking through delivery papers with the landscape company crew, snaps a pen in half.

"Anyway," Ten sits gracefully down on Jisung's chair. He puts his feet up on the desk. "I come to let you know that the Support Staff Task Force has successfully obtained the president's approval to amend Article 45. From now on, any violation of Article 45 will be subjected to fines," he waits for dramatic effect, "which means if you can pay up, the misconduct will not go into your employee records."

"Wow, the ubiquitous commodity form," Sehun says sadly. "Even the legal aspect can't escape its imprint. Look how capitalist society changes us."

"This is really not the right time to go philosophical, hotshot," Jongin places a hand on Sehun's thigh. Damn, this LV black suit truly makes Sehun's thighs stand out. Jongin needs a bite. The gears in his brain come to a stop. He has made up his mind. "You know what, Mark," he asserts with seriousness, "I accept all charges. Both the incident with that fuckface pastry Taemin and this. Just bill everything to me."

Not wanting to hear another word from Mark, Jongin yanks Sehun out of his seat, a bit more roughly than he plans, and they proceed off in the direction of the elevator.

"Stop being such a grab-ass in front of Mark," Sehun says, pleased. "He's a child."

"You do realize the term grab-ass has nothing to do with sex," Jongin says, hooking one leg around Sehun's perfect thigh. "You only said that because you wanted me to take you up on the literal meaning."

Sehun grins and pulls Jongin closer. "Will you?"

* * *

Jongin gasps at the gold-embedded jar on Ten's desk. "Is that Almas caviar?"

"Yeah," Ten says. "The Article 45 Fund is doing really well. I know we're a big corp but the number of horny people has surprisingly exceeded my expectations."

"Whose strings did you pull this time?" Jongin deadpans. Not that he cares. He's found the essence of youth again in the form of R-rated workplace encounters with Sehun. The thrills make him feel alive. They always do. "Both Junmyeon hyung and Kyungsoo are off the radar."

"Youngho's sister is Changmin's cousin's girlfriend," Ten scoops out the egg yolks and starts mashing them with sour cream. "I got our vice president an invitation to Changmin's wedding _and_ a day with the groom himself on the MV filming set for his solo album. I could revoke the entire Code of Conduct and turn this office into a zoo and Minseok hyung would still award me _Employee of the Year_."

"I can imagine you being a successful con artist. Sometimes I wonder why you confine yourself to these server rooms," Jongin says thoughtfully, "just to make desserts or salads."

"Life is full of surprises," Ten says vaguely and Jongin resorts to chopping chives so his mind stops venturing on the implications of Ten's words. "As gross as it is to see you and Sehun going at it all day, I must say that jealous Sehun is cute. And hot. I've never seen him so pissed. That full-on serial killer look is grade A Hollywood movie material."

"I hate that your SSTF cult knows everything," Jongin says. "But thank you for not telling Sehun the real reason why I agreed to help my dickhead of an ex. I know Sehun's been asking around."

"I told you, we're not a cult. We only have the best interests of Kim Enterprises employees in mind." Ten smiles. "We aren't that heartless to ruin such an adorable anniversary surprise. Not when you go through all the fuss and agree to play matchmaker for a jukebox."

"Trust me, it pains me to step in and help Taemin," Jongin winces. "But Sehun has been looking for this vintage jukebox since college. It was produced in World War II or something. He lost to an anonymous bidder at an auction in New York two years ago. Who'd have guessed the bidder is Taemin's brother? Dude isn't even a collector, he just bought it on a whim for _fun_. I'll never understand how rich people work."

"You will if you stop spending your savings on coin-operated music machine that is no longer functional," Ten says. "Sehun would be happy with whatever you give him, but you have to go all out."

"He deserves the best," Jongin tells Ten firmly, "since he's the best thing that ever happened to me."

* * *

"I'm back!" Junmyeon yells enthusiastically. "How are my favorite people doing?"

Baekhyun sprints to Junmyeon with an angry scowl that is totally unfitting for someone who just got called the president's favorite. "Lower your voice," he hisses. "It's Chen's nap time."

Junmyeon frowns. "It's 4 PM?" He rounds the corner of Jisung's desk. "Wait — am i hallucinating or is that a forest?"

"You're stepping on the lilies bed!" Baekhyun glowers at him. "Oh my god — just. Go away, hyung."

Junmyeon looks confused now. "But this is my company?"

"Who cares," Baekhyun guides him out of the door into the elevator. "Go hang out in the basement or whatever. Do not come back until 5."

"Avoid the tenth basement level," Kyungsoo chimes in. He stares down at the floor. "Ah, side-saddle flower. My favorite. Great choice, Baekhyun."

"It's Sehun's idea," replies Baekhyun. "He said the plant reminded him of you. Sweet and small with a fatal trap inside."

Junmyeon wheezes. "Speaking of trap, my mother and I witnessed a very intense fight on the island during our vacation. There was a Kyungsoo look-alike who saved us. He wiped down an army of bad neighbors and only got a cut on his left arm."

"Impressive," Baekhyun looks over Junmyeon's shoulder and locks gazes with Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo flashes Baekhyun a grin that showcases perfectly straight and white teeth. "Is that so," he pats Junmyeon's shoulder. "I'm glad you had a memorable holiday, hyung. Sometimes a change of scenery can do you the power of good."

Junmyeon's phone rings and he quickly excuses himself to take the call. Jongin comes over to Kyungsoo with a stack of files. "These are our Quarter 1 international sales reports. Finance already approved. Sehun needs Junmyeon hyung's approval before sending them to the tax bureau."

"Alright," Kyungsoo says and rolls up the sleeve of his pristine white shirt, revealing a jagged, two-inch scar on his left forearm. He flips through the papers. "Put them on my desk. I'll make sure Junmyeon sign them by tomorrow morning."

"You're not going back to the president's office?" Jongin asks.

"I need to visit the tenth basement level," Kyungsoo shrugs. "I've been gone for three weeks. God knows what's going on down there."

When Kyungsoo is out of sight, Jongin whispers to Baekhyun. "Do you know what's actually happening on the tenth basement level?"

Baekhyun shakes his head. "Whatever it is, it's not something I want to relate to." He sighs. "Ignorance is bliss. Take this advice from your office veteran."

Junmyeon appears in the doorway again. "Anyone wants to tell me what happened while I was gone?" He wiggles his phone. "Animal control said they'd been calling us for two weeks but no one picked up."

"Tell them they got the wrong number!" Baekhyun calls back.

"But what do we have to do with animal control?" Junmyeon inquires.

Jongin wraps an arm around Junmyeon's shoulder. "Let's go back to your office and sign these reports," he suggests. "Let Chen have his beauty nap."

"Who is Chen?"

"Our new employee," Jongin tugs on Junmyeon's arm, pointedly ignoring a snake sleeping soundly on a tree branch by the door. "You'll love him."

"Is that — is that a snake?" Junmyeon screams.

Jongin shrugs. He'll be off the clock in fifteen minutes. This is totally not his problem.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from "What a Life", just like the previous work's title is from "Borderline". 
> 
> Not important, but in case you want to know:
> 
> [Side-saddle flower](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarracenia_purpurea), or purple pitcher, a carnivorous plant.  
> [Alberta spruce ](https://www.thespruce.com/dwarf-alberta-spruce-trees-2132080) and [Mugo pine ](https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/trees/pine/mugo-pine-information.htm), which are both good choices for miniature forest.  
> [Chen's species](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ45QpDTfUk)  
> [ The Canis lupus ](https://animaldiversity.org/accounts/Canis_lupus/)  
> Formula for creating weird insults I found on pinterest: adjective + curse word + noun
> 
> ...I'll shut up now.


End file.
